Once upon a time when I was a teenager and feeling like things were hopeless my Mom said to me, "Expect the unexpected." I was miserable because something in my life ended that I did not want to give up.  She was trying to tell me that good things can come out of bad things. As long as you are willing to embrace the notion that what waits around the corner for you is something more beautiful than you could have predicted. Don't limit yourself to what you already know.

Feeling hopeless that things can change for the better is common for teenagers as well as adults sometimes. When my Mom and I had that conversation about the unexpected I remember feeling comforted and unsettled at the same time. As the years have gone by I realize like among other things my Mom told me, expecting the unexpected was completely and utterly true. The trick is that you have to choose how you feel about the unexpected. You can never completely predict where your life is going to go. You just have to live in the moment and enjoy where you are right now. At the same time you have to be able to not be afraid of where the future may take you. You have to see the unexpected as an opportunity to grow. There is a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert that I absolutely love and try to remember when I am in a situation that makes me squirm:

“I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest"- a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you
are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting(which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments)and set out on a truth-seeking journey(either externally or internally),and if you are truly
willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you
meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all -to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities
about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe.”   -Elizabeth Gilbert


The unexpected is so scary and so unsettling because you have no control over it. When it comes to your mental health wanting to be able to avoid the unexpected can lead to anxiety and depression. Not allowing yourself to feel what you feel or lean into that discomfort of the unknown keeps you stuck. After some time, anxiety paralyzes you into a space where you doubt yourself. The unexpressed wants and feelings you have morph into depression and depression makes your mind think all kinds of hurtful and unhealthy thoughts. These thoughts keep you from recognizing your potential or enjoying your life. When you expect the expected and expect things to be just the way they are right now you handicap yourself and can become bitter and rigid.

Just imagine if you weren't scared of the future? Imagine that no matter what happened you would be ok and thankful for the experience. Just imagine if you never had another negative thought about yourself or other people for that matter. Go ahead, close your eyes and imagine it. Didn't you just feel a little piece of heaven? Did you feel like someone unlocked your jail cell? Freedom from fear and expected outcomes is an amazing thing! Of course you have to practice this and remind yourself like I have to that the unexpected is a good thing. What if you did something unexpected and let go of the past hurts? Start fresh, it feels so good! Embrace the unknown. It is awesome what things can develop that you had no idea could materialize.

JET

Today I have on my mind discomfort. Everyday I fight alongside people who are uncomfortable. We hold hands while they grimace through the pain and sometimes we grimace together. I sit across or next to them while they process things that are painful and unbearable to face alone. I am fascinated by the issues that people want to explore, the topics they will absolutely not touch and the ways that they get around to the thing that is the root of their struggle. I rejoice when they finally release demons that have been haunting them for years. I see that time and relationship makes things easier to say out loud to me.  I feel honored that they trust me enough to let me journey with them through such intensely personal struggles. The resilience of people is mind-blowing! The things that I have seen people come back from are amazing! Often I wonder how I got so incredibly lucky to be in the position to be taught amazing life lessons every day. Maybe I am exactly where I need to be. Discomfort is no stranger to me either. Can I do this type of intimacy in my personal life? I need this don't I? This is why I am here, isn't it? We all have constant growing to do. Human describes ALL of us. All of us are uncomfortable sometimes and I realize recently in my professional life, my friendships, my yoga class, casual interaction with strangers, my family, etc. this feeling of discomfort is my opportunity to grow. I need to be as brave as my clients and lean into the discomfort.

As I sit across from you I can see your brilliance. As I sit across from you I can see your beauty. As I sit across from you I can see the light that wants to burst forth from you. 

So long ago, or maybe not so long ago someone told you that you couldn't do it, or you weren't smart enough, or that what you thought was irrational. Someone told you that you were not good enough in some way. Someone told you that you were too ugly, too short, too stupid, too smart, too weird, too optimistic, too cranky, too fat, too skinny, too goofy, too happy. Someone told you that something about you wasn't right. Maybe that person was your mother. Maybe that person was your father. Maybe that person was your teacher. Maybe that person was your "friend". Maybe that person was your boss. Maybe that person was your spouse. Maybe that person was someone in your family that thought they were helping you by saving you from your horrible, idiotic ideas. It's a crazy merry go round, but they heard those things too. They felt defeated and smacked down by discouragement from someone else and they are trying like hell to get it out of them and into you.

A tricky thing happens when you hear things about yourself like this. Suddenly you hear them everywhere. Suddenly every voice that speaks to you becomes a chorus of the same. Everywhere you look people and events are reaffirming that you suck. Then, the most devastating thing happens.... You begin to hear that criticism in your voice, in your head. That is the final affirmation that you are just worthless, pointless, and stupid. You believe it now. Done.

When I see you I know that you feel this. I know that you feel unloved. Life becomes a constant search to fill the void, to anticipate how to cover up the fact that you are the dumbest, trashiest, klutziest, ugliest person in the room. Stay two steps ahead and distract others and yourself. Step on a dizzying ride to rejection. 

Let me help you. Let me give you my light. Let me lead you to a place that is still and peaceful. A place where darkness-loving demons will scatter and dissipate. Take a deep breath. Isn't that amazing? The freedom you feel from the weight of criticism is exhilarating. I want you to stay here. I want you to hear your voice, your real voice. I want you to hear your voice saying to you that you deserve to be happy, that you are good enough, that you are loved, that you are whole and complete just the way you are. 


Jenny Townsend