As I Sit Across From You

As I sit across from you I can see your brilliance. As I sit across from you I can see your beauty. As I sit across from you I can see the light that wants to burst forth from you. 

So long ago, or maybe not so long ago someone told you that you couldn't do it, or you weren't smart enough, or that what you thought was irrational. Someone told you that you were not good enough in some way. Someone told you that you were too ugly, too short, too stupid, too smart, too weird, too optimistic, too cranky, too fat, too skinny, too goofy, too happy. Someone told you that something about you wasn't right. Maybe that person was your mother. Maybe that person was your father. Maybe that person was your teacher. Maybe that person was your "friend". Maybe that person was your boss. Maybe that person was your spouse. Maybe that person was someone in your family that thought they were helping you by saving you from your horrible, idiotic ideas. It's a crazy merry go round, but they heard those things too. They felt defeated and smacked down by discouragement from someone else and they are trying like hell to get it out of them and into you.

A tricky thing happens when you hear things about yourself like this. Suddenly you hear them everywhere. Suddenly every voice that speaks to you becomes a chorus of the same. Everywhere you look people and events are reaffirming that you suck. Then, the most devastating thing happens.... You begin to hear that criticism in your voice, in your head. That is the final affirmation that you are just worthless, pointless, and stupid. You believe it now. Done.

When I see you I know that you feel this. I know that you feel unloved. Life becomes a constant search to fill the void, to anticipate how to cover up the fact that you are the dumbest, trashiest, klutziest, ugliest person in the room. Stay two steps ahead and distract others and yourself. Step on a dizzying ride to rejection. 

Let me help you. Let me give you my light. Let me lead you to a place that is still and peaceful. A place where darkness-loving demons will scatter and dissipate. Take a deep breath. Isn't that amazing? The freedom you feel from the weight of criticism is exhilarating. I want you to stay here. I want you to hear your voice, your real voice. I want you to hear your voice saying to you that you deserve to be happy, that you are good enough, that you are loved, that you are whole and complete just the way you are. 


Jenny Townsend